Thursday, June 30, 2005

9: The Right to Rock

AMERICA 1989

Rock has been driven underground.

The authorities stalk pirate broadcasters and their followers.

Those who are apprehended suffer severe consequences.




Hey, kid! What are you doing? Haven't you heard? Rock has been driven underground! Knock it off already with your rocking out--in public, no less! You don't want to suffer severe consequences, do you?


Oh, shit! It's the Rock Police! You're really in for it now--don't say we didn't warn you...


Oh my God! They totally broke your boom box!


The Rock Police are gonna take you downtown...


(Meanwhile, across town, the rock freedom fighters in KEEL -- God bless 'em -- are reminding you that you've got the right to rock!)


Man, did you see that? That kid just blew up the Rock Police Paddywagon with a firecracker!


Run, kid! Run! Fight for your right to rock! Just like KEEL said!


They almost had him, and then -- out of fuckin' nowhere, dude -- here comes this motorcycle parade! Looks like a flagrant violation of the Rock Penal Code!


(I think KEEL had something to do with it!)


Hey, what's that guy on the left doing in here? He's clearly way too old to rock! I smell a setup, KEEL -- you guys had better clear out of there quick!


KEEL ain't gonna never stop rockin' for nobody!


Goddammit, KEEL -- here comes the fuzz! If you guys get taken in for rocking, who's gonna keep fighting the good fight?


Holy crap! The power of KEEL's rocking is electrocuting the Chief of the Rock Police! This is awesome!


YEAH!!! Rock never dies!!!*


*At least, not until a few years later, when Ron Keel, frontman for the shitty metal band KEEL, realized nobody was ever going to buy his crummy rock records and went to Nashville to become Ronnie Lee Keel. And then when that didn't work, on to reforming KEEL.**


**And then when that didn't work, he grew a mullet and started a band that would love to be Lynyrd Skynyrd.

6 Comments:

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Blogger mr. shark attack said...

you are right. the right to rock is part of the constitution. !!! and i'm not a freakin' robot. i am a real person. not like these other posters. am i ron keel? no. do i defend the right to rock. ? YES. i would say having and keeping the right to rock alive would include destroying these no guitar solo alt bands that have taken over. bring back the rock of old. david lee roth. get your BALD ASS up on that stage and sing PANAMA! PANAMA. Gary Charone, I'll have another beer, beer boy. Mop up my beer spill!!!

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I'm no dictator,but given the fact that Ron Keel is responsible for subjecting the world to the horror that is Yngwie Malmsteen,I would have to recommend that his rights be seriously curtailed.

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10:48 AM  

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